


No Holds Barred

by Vento_Store



Series: how [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Author Often Goes Back To Edit, Blue Isn't Ok Either, Character Death, Dark Humor, Everyone is Too Tall, Fluff, Humor, Ink is Chaotic Neutral, Is Red Okay???, Multi, Papyrus Is An Adult But He's Still Baby??, Papyrus Will Make You Cry If You Don't Respect Others, Reader Has A Set Appearance, Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is more of an oc, Reader-Insert, Red Is Flirty and Moody, Romance, Slightly Dipshit Reader, Violent tendencies, WILL BE REWRITTEN, Wow What's This? A "Stable" Dust???, either way they're all canon to the story, first chapter is red's pov, i don't think reader originally came from this multiverse, in this fanfic?? its more likely than you think, or maybe you're Too Small, reader can use magic, reader is a badass, reader is a female, reader is the caretaker of these volatile dumbasses, setting is really just an excuse to write about a skeleharem, slow burn? i'll try my best, so far i only want playful flirting not actual interest outside of curiosity and friendship, some chapters will be drabbles and others will be actual novel chapters, we're all sinners here, when i get my sh/t together, who cares?? you're optimal height for taking away pelvis rights, will try my best to incorporate others' povs instead of focusing on the reader's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24440053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vento_Store/pseuds/Vento_Store
Summary: [Set in a Multiverse where the lines between 'verses blur and there are major, dire consequences, resulting in a house where Sanses and Papyruses work to keep each of their original universes from deleting anyone else.]Enter you, a girl who's older than she looks with a background no one knows except for the outcodes. It seems like Ink dragged you to the house by force and only explained the barebones (heh) of their current living situation.Seems like you really take pride in taking care of others too, since you have no problem mothering the shit out of even the worst of them.You're holding an incredibly large grudge towards Ink, though.((whoever's reading this: we're both trash. but you can still be saved. save yourself time and just wait for the rewrite,,,))
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: how [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765549
Comments: 15
Kudos: 118





	1. meet your caretaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red wakes up to a maybe-maybe-not-pleasant surprise.  
> *You don't get along with Ink anymore.

* * *

Red jolted awake from his fitful sleep when he felt a burst of magic from the living room that felt too familiar to be true.

_Boss—!_

But that magic wasn't his bro. It felt familiar because it was an offensive type of magic that Boss used often.

That magic wasn't from his bro.

_Boss is—_

_Papyrus—_

**Dust—**

Red smacked both of his palms onto his face, digging in his phalanges , just enough to feel the pain and get rid of the grief.

_Sans ya fucking bonehead— Getcha goddamn shit together 'fore someone ends up hurt— 'fore ya hurt someone else—_

He let out a growl that reverbrated in his ribcage, bordering on painful as he worked to clear his mind.

Red felt another burst of magic and shot up from the bed, kicking off the covers and shortcutting into the living room.

There was a little girly there. Brown hair and eyes, raising a whole ass chair above her head and that Inky—

Huh.

Red watched from the doorframe as she tried over and over again to bash that Inky-bastard's skull in, the artist only barely managing to dodge with each time her speed suddenly accelerated with pulses of magic.

Eventually she stopped, only slightly disheveled, but not a hair or clothing out of place.

She wore a pink sweater that reached past her thighs, black leggings, and a black turtleneck, from what he could see from his spot in the doorway.

Red admired her legs for a quick few moments and lazily dragged his eyelights back up to her head, taking his sweet time.

Russet eyes met his red lights and he almost jolted, feeling the magic of a shortcut start to well inside him.

She looked like a doll.

Then with casual disregard for the fact she was just trying to dust a skeleton, he started to mouth off.

"Shit, dollface, hitting on someone so early on the job? Coulda told me," his grin twitched into a smirk. "Would've enjoyed it a helluva lot more than the squid anyway."

His gaze flicked back to Ink, who was brushing off his clothes and looking a little off balance.

Who else could the girl be than the _caretaker_ they were supposed to meet today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited 06/29/20: hey future me dont you forget >:(


	2. meet your caretaker (ii)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red flirts with Little Miss Caretaker.  
> *It seems like you're stalling the inevitable.

She looked young, around eighteen or something, but the way she held herself told him that she might be older than she looked.

Red preferred to think that Ink wasn't so heartless as to stick an actual kid with a bunch of lazy asshats.

When he made to make eye contact with the girl again, he found himself a bit surprised by how much disdain she was looking at Ink with.

Ink pouted at her, and she threw the chair at him.

A feisty, violent gal huh?

Or maybe the squid was an exception to the norm. Wouldn't be shocking if he was.

The girl started to approach Red, and he took note of everything as she walked.

Straight posture, clasped hands, and steady footsteps. Everything said of how self-assured she was. No arrogance, only confidence.

"You're Red, right? I'll be taking care of all of you from now on," She pauses and smiles politely. He nearly misses the flash of mischief in her eyes. "Don't be naughty, okay?"

There are so many ways to respond to that, so Red chooses the most obvious choice, cocks his head, and drags his gaze down then up. There's no mistaking his intentions.

The returning grin he gives is lazy and filthy with half-lidded sockets. "don't worry, i'll be so good to ya you'll be _beggin'_ me to be bad for a night, little miss caretaker."

Little Miss Caretaker chokes on a laugh, reaching up to cover her mouth as Ink in the background shoots him a look.

He ignores him, his grin widening. "like the sound of that, don'tcha?"

The girl waves a hand like she's swatting a thought away and levels him with an expression that could make him sweat.

"I really hope the others aren't as bad as you already are, sir Red." Miss Caretaker tells him that with amusement that doesn't take away the sincerity of her statement.

Red quirks a brow at the title but doesn't comment at the formal way she addresses him with, instead keeping his grin on and leaning even closer to her.

The small twitch her hand does clues him in on a level of discomfort from having her personal space invaded.

"none of the others could even hope ta match up to how _bad_ i am, _sweetheart."_

He doesn't know what he was expecting when she doesn't blust like he was aiming for. Instead, her mouth wobbles the slightest bit and she exhales the same way someone would do when they're trying not to laugh.

She pokes his skull with a pointer finger, pushing him away as her smile turns indulging.

Now Red feels like a little kid all over again, faced with a parent humoring him and his bullshit.

"don't think i caught your name, dollface."  
Red takes in the way she blinks and how her eyes glance at Ink—

Oh. That slimey inky bastard squid left him with a human woman meant to be their caretaker without telling either of them, and from the look on her face, she doesn't look too happy about it.

The girl presses her lips together in a thin, displeased line.

"I— please call me anything you want, as long as it's not derogatory or shameful." Red distantly notices how he has his jacket tied around his waist, reminding him of the previous night working in the lab and ending up drunk off his ass after a quick break.

His thoughts take a dive straight down.

_If Boss were here—_

He instantly rolls his shoulders to dispel the thought, hearing the quiet grind on bone and feeling relief at the ache being abated.

Red focuses more intently on their little caretaker to stop his stupid skull from getting another episode.

There's really only one way to respond to the request.

"well, aren'tcha a sweet little thing? mind if i call ya mine, doll—"

The loud rumbling from somewhere in the house cuts him off and he drags a hand down his face, groaning.

"fuck."

"Did that come from the kitchen?"

"it better not have. trust me, doll— ya don't wanna know the shit some of us make in there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i woke up at 4:30 and just started writing this. its 5am now. both reader and red are taking their time flirting and reader is only humoring him because she's not ready yet i guess.
> 
> bye-bye sinners <3 we're all going to hell but don't forget to wash your hands ok?


	3. meet your caretaker (iii)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red never gets your name.  
> *You have a budding sixth sense for when people are ogling you.

"Well, I'm here as your caretaker now." She mutters under her breath, and she sets her back straight and easily, hands returning to that clasped position.

Red finds it funny that she looks like she's going to war.

"you goin' there, caretaker?"

"I have no choice. As your caretaker, preparing meals is an important job." Their new caretaker tenses when a clatter and a crash start to ring.

She looks mildly disgusted. Mildly.

"Would you mind showing me to the kitchen? Ink didn't actually..." Her disgust grows at the mention of Ink to the point it's comical, and Red has to stifle some laughter, gritting his teeth into a sharp-toothed grin.

"sure thing. in exchange though," Red casually put a hand on her lower back and started leading her to the kitchen, "i get ta ask ya some questions, aight?"

"Fair enough."

As they're walking, Red questions her. Small stuff at first that she answers without hesitation, but the moment he asks her, "where'd ya come from?" her response is so cryptic he agonizes over it for several minutes before realizing that she diverted his attention from herself.

He doesn't say anything about it, but his claws digs briefly into her back.

Red continues.

"why'd the inky bastard put you to this anyway?"

It's only because he's staring at her from the corner of his eyesockets that he sees the shadow that crosses her face.

"I don't know either," She says. "If he thinks he can just get away with dragging me away from my universe, I hope he won't miss his pelvis too much."

The oddly specific target makes him sweat a little, beads of red magic sliding down on the back of his skull, but he barks out a laugh.

"i'll be lookin' forward to the show, dollface."

When he calls her by the sweet little petname, it's like there's something missing.

Then he realizes he never got her name.

_Didn't I fuckin' ask her about it awhile ago?_

"i still gotta know yer name by the way—"

He's again cut off by another clatter, and Red sees that they're close enough to the kitchen that the caretaker steps away from his hand and makes her way into it.

He makes a sound similar to someone clicking their tongue and watches as she goes. Idly, his gaze drops to her legs and he tilts his skull.

Oh. She's not wearing leggings.

Those are _stockings._

Red moves to lean against the kitchen doorway and he eyes Little Miss Caretaker's rear end.

Is she even wearing shorts under that?

"Excuse me," he hears her say. "You must be sirs Plum and Pink, yes?"

At her words, he's startled back to reality, looking back up in dread.

The pair in the kitchen aren't actually the Lust brothers, but the two of them are eyeing him with disapproval, while their little caretaker looks at him over her shoulder before flipping over some wayward pots and pans.

With his attention successfully gained, both Blue and classic Papyrus voice their disappointment for his lack of manners.

"RED, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO EYE A LADY WITH SUCH DISRESPECT!"

"That's Not Very Polite, Red. It Would Only Be Right If You Apologized To Our Human Caretaker." Strangely enough, Blue uses his indoor voice rather than following Papyrus' example.

As if he just remembered something, Papyrus gasps audibly and repeats his sentence in the same volume as Blue's.

So she said that just to get his attention, huh? What a sly fox.

Luckily, Red's more amused than irritated that he was tricked by a human, so all he does is,

"the only disrespect i'd be doin' is not admiring the masterpiece right in front of me." He hears a quiet clatter and suddenly the girl is piling all of the dirty pans in the sink.

Obviously, Red caught her more than a little off guard.

He snickers as Papyrus splutters, growing tangerine as Blue huffs and looks on with an embarrassed flush. Carefully, Red avoids looking at Papyrus too much.

The last time his lights lingered on the classic too much didn't end well.

Red absently takes note of the mess in the kitchen. Why didn't Blue stop Papyrus earlier? Everyone knows that Blue's a great cook, and he doesn't usually let anyone use the kitchen unless they actually know how to use it.

He sends a questioning glance at Blue, who's now saying something to the taller skeleton and watching their little caretaker from the corner of his eyesocket.

...

It's been awhile since he's seen Blue's eyelights turn into stars.

Little Miss Caretaker steps off the stool he's only now noticing, and he really, really wants to laugh knowing that she's short enough that she can't reach the sink properly without a kiddie stool..

Red lets out a snort before seeing that the dishes are done.

He's almost shocked, but with her little displays of magic from awhile ago, he should've known right off the bat that she wouldn't just be any old 'nanny' or maid.

Both Papyrus and Blue light up when they see the sudden spotlessness of the kitchen and bound up to the girl.

Red doesn't mind any bit, tuning all of them out as he usually does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is honestly more of a thing to get rid of writers' block y'all
> 
> "meet your caretaker" is actually one whole chapter but it's not complete lol. i'm still writing it and what you're seeing here is literally a work in progress. i'm updating as i go.
> 
> what's wrong with red??? why the fuck isn't he more hostile?? he's not oKay
> 
> also uwu papyrus is baby


	4. meet your caretaker (iv)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus is an adult and worries about adult stuff, but he's still baby.  
> *You and Ink really don't seem to be getting along right now.

Papyrus woke up that morning to a foreign presence in the house.

It wasn't like he wasn't used to anyone new coming and going, given the state of the Multiverse, as Sans had told him before they worked out their current living situation.

But the presence felt strangely human.

And that compelled him to rise up from bed with a bounce he wished his alternates had an energy for.

He completed his morning routine, and by that time he could indentify where the human presence was. They were in the living room with another familiar magic.

Papyrus was excited. It seemed like both of them were getting along well, and he couldn't wait to meet the newcomer and show them his latest hobbies! Perhaps they would like puzzles and spaghetti like himself?

The thought put a pep in his step as he jumped down the stairs.

He paused by the living room and took the time to straighten himself out and put on his brightest grin.

Just as he was about to step inside, he felt magic spike from the new presence.

"—ou really expecting me to be okay with this, Ink? I'm not fucking _pleased_ with this, if you can't tell. _"_

"Aw, c'mon, it's not that bad—"

"Don't you even start—"

"'Sides, you're more useful with us than there!"

Suddenly uncomfortable with the conversation and the undeniable fact that he was eavesdropping, Papyrus only stayed for a few moments longer, which were thick with silence and tension, and left to start breakfast.

Perhaps when they were done and made up, Ink and the new human could join him.

His thoughts stewed with scenario after scenario, and the conversation he heard in the living room.

Papyrus saw a flash of blue, and recognizing the shade that didn't belong to his brother, he brought his attention to Blue— a sweet and lively version of Sans whose cheeriness was a little subdued, but always tried his best to put a smile on his face as he went about his day.

Papyrus appreciated Blue very much, and he made sure to let him know that every day. They were best buddies, after all! What were friends for?

His steps slowed when he saw exactly what Blue was doing.

The smaller skeleton was looking out a window with the saddest expression Papyrus has ever seen him make.

Papyrus felt his soul squeeze tight. He could practically _hear_ what Blue's own soul was broadcasting.

Being so blue... Just doesn't suit Blue.

So he bounds over to the other skeleton and greets him with a smack on the back.

Startled, Blue almost hits the window but catches himself, looking up at Papyrus who grins at him.

"OH. HELLO PAPYRUS! I HADN'T REALIZED YOU WERE THERE..."

"THAT'S QUITE ALRIGHT, MY FRIEND! WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK OVER COFFEE? BREAKFAST?"

Papyrus then gasps audibly, "BREAKFAST!! WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME IN COOKING BREAKFAST FOR OUR HOUSEMATES? WE ALSO HAVE SOMEONE NEW IN THE HOUSE, AND PERHAPS WE COULD COOK FOR THEM TO MAKE THEIR ARRIVAL MORE WELCOMING—"

Blue laughs cheerily, and Papyrus lets out a couple of 'nyeh-heh-heh's in return, glad that his friend has cheered up, if only for the moment.

"Thank You, Papyrus. I'd Be Happy To Help! THOUGH I HOPE YOU REMEMBER THE INSTRUCTIONS I'VE GIVEN YOU THE LAST TIME WE COOKED!"

Ah, that's right. Papyrus has some ways to go before he could be considered a master chef on the same level as Blue, but he's been making a lot of progress!

Papyrus takes instructions seriously, and he prides himself on being a great listener.

"OF COURSE I DO! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD NEVER FORGET SOMETHING SO EASILY!" He huffs in mock offense as he puffs his chest out. He would go an extra mile and pose, but it's far too early to expose someone to his greatness, so he refrains.

Blue looks at him with fond amusement and goes to pull him along the rest of the way to the kitchen.

"THE KITCHEN WILL NOT SURVIVE IF YOU FORGET YOUR STRENGTH, SO I AM GLAD THAT YOU REMEMBER," The smaller skeleton ribs (heh) him playfully, and Papyrus pouts. "NOW, YOU MENTIONED A NEWCOMER?"

Papyrus feels a sudden need to busy himself.

"A-AH... I'M AFRAID I WASN'T ABLE TO TALK TO THEM, AS I WAS IN A HURRY AND THEY WERE TALKING TO INK," He sets down some pans as Blue gets the ingredients from the fridge, their usual set-up. "BUT IT SEEMS THAT THEY'RE A HUMAN GIRL! I HEARD THEM FROM THE LIVING ROOM!"

Blue blinks, his cyan eyelights wavering for a second. "A Human?"

Papyrus glances at the other in concern, but nods and grins excitedly. "YES! INK BROUGHT THEM FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE!"

Talking about the human makes his mind go back to the tense conversation he shamefully eavesdropped on.

His grin falters, and Blue is now the one to look at him, worried.

"It Seems That She And Ink Aren't On Very Good Terms At The Moment," Papyrus confides quietly. "They Were Having An Argument When I Passed The Living Room, And I Can't Say That I Found What I Heard Amusing."

There's a beat of silence, before Blue lays a hand on his arm.

"They Will Have To Sort Out Their Differences Some Time," he assures. "The Most We Can Do Is Help Them Along, But We Can't Interfere Unless They Want Us To."

The quiet remains for a few moments then Papyrus sighs explosively.

"UNFORTUNATELY SO! ALL OF THIS DRAMA MAKES ME WANT TO LOCK EVERYONE UP IN A CLOSET TO GET IT TOGETHER!"

Blue hops onto the train of thought gleefully. "THERE WOULD BE MUCH COLLATERAL DAMAGE, BUT IF IT DOES WORK LIKE IN THE STORIES IT WOULD BE FOR A WORTHY CAUSE!"

And just like that, they spend their time cooking, complaining, and suggesting almost outlandish ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL DID YOU WATCH THE PROLOGUE TO UNDERVERSE SEASON 2???? IT PREMIERED LAST NIGHT AND I'M SO FUCKING STOKED. I AM HYPED. I AM SO HAPPY!!!
> 
> YOU SHOULD WATCH IT. JAKEI ALSO COMPILED THE WHOLE S1 OF UV ALNDKSJDSKNDK GO GO WATCH.
> 
> on!! a calmer note tho, last night i was browsing through the undertale tag and saw a new fic! it's pretty damn good! i looked at its tags and i felt so called out cuz there was a bit that said "STOP MAKING PAPYRUS BABY" and damn bro
> 
> the amount of terror i felt cannot be described, so here's a papyrus pov lmfao
> 
> go check it out! its only 2 chapters in but im really really hooked!! it's called Kick Em To The Curve by Tia_Bites (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24257164/chapters/58457170)
> 
> also i just gotta say, everyone has issues in this fic??? red and blue aren't ok im sorry


	5. meet your caretaker (v)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus is a bit anxious and guilty.  
> *You flounder in the face of softness.

When the human finally entered the kitchen, it was a mess.

She'd stared at the both of them with the deadest face he'd ever seen and proceeded to introduce and passive-aggressively insult and compliment them at the same time.

"According to Ink, I'm your new caretaker." The anger that flashes across her face is worrying, to say the least. "Which means that I'm to help with daily chores and make sure that all of you are well-fed and taken care of."

Her eyes lingered on the chaos on the counter.

"But I must say, I'm impressed by the dedication you have. To make such a mess, you must be wanting to test my skills huh?"

The tone she takes is light and casual, but Papyrus can see clearly how his ratings in her head drop.

_Well, that won't do!_

He's the Great Papyrus, he can't have someone disliking him on first sight!

But the amount of unimpressed in her expression makes him wring his wrists and smile sheepishly, ducking his head at her. Beside him, Blue is grimacing and looking apologetic.

"I'M VERY SORRY TO HAVE UPSET YOU, HUMAN! WOULD YOU LET ME CLEAN UP AFTER MYSELF INSTEAD?? I'M AFRAID IT WOULD BE UNBECOMING OF A SKELETON SUCH AS I TO LET YOU—" Papyrus is then cut off by the human raising their hand.

"It's alright, I don't mind too much." She tells him, and she glances at Blue then back to him. "Would you mind using your indoor voices and introducing yourselves first?"

Blue stays silent for a moment too long, so the taller skeleton takes it upon himself to kickstart the introductions.

"I AM—" He quickly cuts himself off with a brief 'ahem', and continues. "Human! You Are In The Presence Of The Great Papyrus! Erm, It's A Pleasure To Finally Meet You Despite Not Actually Getting Your Name As Of Yet And Our Making Of A Terrible Mess!"

Papyrus wants to believe that the human's lips twitched for a moment, but it's highly unlikely, considering his already bad impression. It's uncommon for him to be _messy,_ that's more of his brother's cup of tea.

Blue usually stopped him from making too much of a ruckus in the kitchen. And maybe he'd gotten too used to getting told when enough is enough and Blue tried to test him— in which case, he'd failed the test if he did.

His mood sinks and he braces his shoulders to stop them from hunching up.

"Hey, it's alright. I told you already."

He wasn't aware that he'd been looking at the ground.

Papyrus' gaze travels upwards to meet the human's, and instead of the previous neutral look in her eyes, all he sees is an awkward softness.

"I'm your caretaker now, and that means I have to take care of all of you. Don't go around looking so sad or I'll never hear the end of it, okay?" Her speech is less polite, but he finds that he prefers it more than the cutting, formal way she'd been speaking in awhile ago.

She somewhat reminds him of their rougher counterparts, the ones who aren't so used to nice and gentle. Their actions always have a biting edge to them simply because they see no use in being 'nice'.

He will have to take some pages out of his manual for dealing with their edgier counterparts when it comes to interacting with the human, then.

In the corner of his vision, he sees Blue twitch.

"Of Course, Human!! It Would Be Rather Unfortunate If Word About Any Mistakes You've Made Were To Spread Across The Multiverse!" With an almost startling amount of exuberance, which didn't startle Papyrus, obviously— Blue joined the conversation.

"I Can Only Imagine How Embarassing It Would be For You!" This time, he's sure the amused smile their human caretaker gives is not an illusion.

"Right. Thank you. I can't imagine how your brothers would react if I managed to upset either of you."

Ah, yes. Papyrus is aware that Sans can be annoyingly protective about him, which is only to be expected since they are brothers. He would—

Oh.

Papyrus spots the minute wince that Blue makes, and from the widening of their new caretaker's eyes, she saw it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all it's ok to take a break when you're writing a story and it's ok to let yourself make mistakes when you're writing :) taking a break will help you be more focused and making mistakes is what editing is for :))
> 
> writing is merely a hobby for me so i just write whatever makes me wanna go 'yee' or if i'm feelin a little spicy, i'll even write what makes me go 'haw' uwu
> 
> SO Y'ALL EXCITED FOR UNDERVERSE 0.5 OR WHAT CUZ I'M HELLA STOKED!! i feel like my heart's going to burst thinking about it!! it actually hurts so i don't think about it a lot BUT BOI.
> 
> have any of you read Undertale Copy #88?? If not, go go go goddamn IT'S PRETTY DAMN GOOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING  
> here lmao: (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23999974)


	6. meet your caretaker (vi)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus is all about Respect™  
> *You gain an admirer!

"Oh. Oh fuck. I'm so sorry. Was that a sensitive topic— fuck. _Stars I'm so sorry— I—"_

Blue waves off her apologies, his smile present but the look in his eyes heavy. "It's Quite Alright, Human! Just To Clear Any Misunderstandings, My Brother Is Alive And Well."

"But Unfortunately, We Haven't Been Talking Lately. That's All." Blue is sure that the human hadn't meant to step on a landmine, no matter how small it is.

Papyrus— _his_ Papyrus, Stretch that is, hasn't exactly been...

He may have lied a bit when he talked about his brother's status. Stretch is alive and healthy and his magic isn't sluggish and his soul has no fractures—

He's just not well.

Blue shook his head to clear it of the sombre thoughts, raising a hand and beaming at their new 'caretaker'.

He's honestly quite surprised at Ink for bringing a human into a house full of monsters, some of which haven't had the best experiences with humans. It's making him concerned for the girl and about the artist.

What is Ink up to now?

Clearly, the girl is familiar with a Sans or Papyrus. Her comment about their brothers is already a big indicator.

Is Ink hoping to make the rest of them less tense by bringing them something, some _one_ new who knows how to handle them?

Blue will have to talk to Ink when he catches him. She's obviously not all that happy with Ink's decision.

The human grasps his hand and shakes it firmly, gently. It doesn't seem like she's used to someone greeting her with a handshake.

If it were one of the Sans personalities who did it would have been hilarious but exasperating. Seriously, greeting someone with a whoopie cushion or with a _shocking_ (heh) surprise is no way to make new friends!

It's funny, but he will not stand for it!

She looks him over and let's go of his hand, nodding imperceptibly. If he hadn't been watching her, he wouldn't have caught it.

"Alright, at least your brother's alive."

"Indeed. Now, I Don't Believe We Ever Caught Your Name Human!"

The girl glances off to the side, shifting, and idly Blue follows her eyes.

Had Red always been there?

He's wearing sweatpants and his hoodie is tied around his pelvis, oddly enough. As always, his red eyelights are observing the scene intently—

Wait.

_No._

"RE—!"

"Uh, any way I can get him to stop perving on me without confronting him directly?" She lowers her voice to a whisper, snide and irritated, but then she blinks and smiles sheepishly at Papyrus. "No, my bad. I think Ink mentioned something about..."

The girl clears her throat.

"Excuse me, you must be sirs Plum and Pink, yes?"

Blue grins as Red tenses and he quickly schools his expression into a disapproving one, giving the bulkier skeleton the Neutral Stare Of Disapproval™ along with Papyrus.

"RED, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO EYE A LADY WITH SUCH DISRESPECT!"

"That's Not Very Polite, Red. It Would Only Be Right If You Apologized To Our Human Caretaker."

Blue pauses to listen to Papyrus fuss and repeat his sentence a little more quietly, the lower volume of his voice making it sound more stern as they continue to eye Red with disappointment and disapproval.

The same way he'd been eyeing their caretaker with no respect. Hmph.

_"the only disrespect i'd be doin' is not admiring the masterpiece right in front of me."_

Blue gasps at Red's audacity. He's not even sorry!

Magic floods his cheekbones, and he sincerely hopes that they haven't permanently soiled any good impression their caretaker may have had about them when he hears a quiet clatter behind them.

He makes a frustrated noise as Papyrus stutters beside him and turns to the taller skeleton, ignoring Red.

"Calm Down, Papyrus. He's Always Like This," Papyrus' sputtering comes to a stop as Blue pats his arm, exasperated. "Do Not Let His, Ugh. Lewdness Get To You! Some People Don't Always Grasp The Importance Of Respect Like You And I."

The words flow from him easily, going on a tangent about the norms of some societies in other universes and distracting Papyrus from Red's comment.

The tall skeleton gets uncomfortable when someone says anything remotely similar, but Blue knows it's a combination of indignation, embarrassment, and annoyance. He takes respect for people seriously after all, and Blue couldn't be any prouder.

Papyrus takes that kind of disrespect so strongly that he struggles to get his words out, and Blue is willing to distract him if it means no one cries by the end of the day due to an outraged outburst from the, by far, most passive Papyrus in the house.

His eyelights somehow end up locking onto their 'caretaker', and he can _feel_ how they blip into stars when he sees the use of magic obvious around the various dishes as the girl cleans the mess up.

She can use magic!

She's a mage!

Even in the whole multiverse, mages with a good grasp on their magic are difficult to come by! Where did Ink find her?!

It's been a long time since he's felt so excited that his eyelights have turned into stars, and— _stars. How cool can she get—_

Eager to share, Blue looks up at Papyrus and whispers excitedly, starting to tug on his arm.

When Papyrus turns his head to look, his face absolutely lights up.

"WOWIE! THE HUMAN WORKS QUICKLY!"

What?

Blue whips around to see the spotless state of the kitchen, and his eyelights spin into the large stars that he used to be so well-known for.

She's a mage AND efficient?!

 _Oh, Ink._ He thinks to himself. _I have to thank you once I catch you._

Both him and Papyrus bound over to the human, vibrating with newfound energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw dude i love blue so much. i didn't expect to enjoy writing him so much. ugh. i love him so much.
> 
> much much much.
> 
> and y'all know what i also didn't expect?? for au creation to be so difficult. i'm trying to make an au for reader here and so far i have designs for 4 characters but wtf is the setting and au type, what do they all do.
> 
> i shall now be reccomending fics every snippet because most of them are still ongoing and have few chapters as of this update and i want you to sit on the edges of your seats waiting for them to update with me
> 
> Vindictive Care by Anonymous (https://archiveofourown.org/works/23845420/chapters/57306373) 
> 
> the best way to read is always using the Entire Work option btw lmao


	7. meet your caretaker (vii)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue and Papyrus are sweet and you like sweet stuff.  
> *You're still angry but it'll be ok.

_There's a heaviness in your chest that has nothing to do with magic._

You call on the more familiar feeling of your SOUL. It's condensed magic, pressed into a visible shape, a container. There's a loose thread that you can sense hanging outside of it. You pull on the thread.

It's where the magic goes through when you want to use it.

Once the magic answers, rushing through your veins and out, you get to work. Maybe you want to show off a little bit, but you also don't want anyone getting the idea of helping you with such a menial chore as washing the dishes. You can do it yourself.

Behind you, you hear Papyrus' sputtering after Red's unfortunate comment.

Hopefully no one else will be so forward as Red is, hopefully no one will even _try_ to flirt with you or make a friend out of you. You're not here to entertain them, you're only here to— swallowing down an instinctive burst of rage, you continue that line of thought.

You're only here to babysit, or something. Be their caretaker? That's what you've been calling it, but you prefer babysitter, it's going to be a more accurate descriptor anyway. The ongoing lecture Blue is having about societal norms in universes trying to calm Papyrus down is somehow proving that for you.

What's up with this Papyrus anyway? He's such a— a— child? Blue is a Sans that reminds you a bit of the one you know, but why is _Papyrus_ reduced to a flustered mess by a line like _that?_

Your magic spikes in tune with the guilt you feel, nearly bending a frying pan it holds in half.

Maybe you're not so DETERMINED as you are SPITEFUL right now. You know exactly what you're doing, you're taking every victory you can get even if it makes you feel like shit immediately after, even if it means thinking badly of someone that _Ink_ want you to 'take care' of; even if that someone is Papyrus.

Dammit, a chore isn't doing it for you. You need to calm down a bit.

Moving your hand slightly, the taste of cream fills the back of your throat as you pull again on the thread of loose magic.

It's second nature to let the magic flow and encase the toppled over flour, egg shells, sugar, chocolate chips and other food products you frown and mourn the loss of. What were they even trying to make? It's way too early to be baking a cake, and you're sure none of the skeletons have had breakfast yet.

Your magic pulses once, twice, and you go over to a nearby cabinet that you know where the cleaning supplies are kept. Sadly, you can't keep up high precision magic usage for long, you can't always open doors or windows using it since you're more suited to affecting large areas.

Levelling an entire town wouldn't make you break a sweat, it's when you're using magic for something smaller that you have a harder time with.

You can already feel your neck heat up and jaw tighten in the same way they do when you're experiencing some strain.

Ignore it. The dustpan and broom go over to sweep up their mess while you start drying the dishes.

Absently, you acknowledge how it's gotten silent all of a sudden and how you can practically feel the stares boring into the back of your head.

Which is why you try your best not to flinch and grind the two enthusiastic skeletons into dust when they bound over to you, exclaiming in awe and excitment.

"HUMAN!! YOUR EFFICIENCY AND CLEANLINESS HAS ASTOUNDED ME! WOWIE, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT SUCH AN EVENT OCCURS!!" The booming volume makes your breath hitch in an uncomfortable way, almost taking you back to a more uncomfortable place, before you shrug it off with some effort.

You smile weakly up at Papyrus, trying to tell him with your eyes to lower his goddamn volume before your ears combust.

Luckily he gets the message, gasping audibly and giving you an apologetic smile that you accept with a thankful nod as Blue hops forward to look you in the eyes, his cyan eyelights shaped like stars.

Strange, didn't Ink say he hasn't been able to do that for awhile now? Maybe it's just another thing you have to hold him accountable for, the dickhead.

"Wowzers— Human! I'm—" Blue makes a little excited squeal and you may have, maybe, melted at it. "I Wasn't Aware That You Could Use Magic!! And The Effort I Can See You Put Into Cleaning— Oh!!" His eyelights look like sparkling gems and you concede that, okay, he's adorable.

"Nyeh?!!?" You're surprised when Papyrus' own eyelights show themselves in the form of cartoonish sparkles as he brings his hands up to his face. "You Can Use Magic?!! Human, You're Full Of Surprises!! How Come I Missed That?" One of his (oddly) bare hands go to cup his chin and he squints in thought.

Wow, you think to yourself. I am such an asshole. How could I have thought badly of these cinnamon rolls.

You grin at them, feeling more genuine.

Just for the both of them, you let go of the towel and return everything to their proper place using your magic with somewhat relative ease. Pots and pans fly over your heads and the sink seemingly drains itself as the broom and dustpan go to the trash bin in the corner, throwing away the wasted food.

You might want to cry just from seeing the poor soiled ingredients, so you refrain from watching.

Blue and Papyrus look ecstatic and there's suddenly the worried thought that they might pass out from excitement. Thankfully it doesn't happen but they struggle with their volume worse than before. Maybe you won't hold it against them, maybe. It's nice to have people fawn over you.

You try your best not to fluster as they ask you questions about where you got your magic, what universe you're from, are there more mages in your universe? You can feel how strained the thread is as you smoothly reply with answers that give them something to work with, but won't give anything away.

Maybe you overdid it a bit.

Both of the skeletons look a bit frustrated by your replies, though it looks like their enthusiasm far overshadows it.

You learned how to dodge everything from Sans. _Your Sans,_ that is.

And maybe you know what you're doing. Shoving everything down until you inevitably blow up or until you find the time to deal with it. That's okay, you have hope that it'll work out somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine coming back to a fanfic you're writing and seeing the amount of people that have read through it. it's simultaneously 'what are we doing with our lives' and 'oh god thank you so much holy shit'.
> 
> reader is kind of a dipshit but that's ok we all have our flaws/i also didn't like insulting papyrus/i hope it doesn't happen again :((
> 
> i add tags as i go! and also also recently i've been looking for any stories with skeleton ocs?? so far the ones i've seen are pretty good so i have high hopes!
> 
> uwu have some candy: I See You by PandaWrites_Fics (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586753/chapters/59384284)


	8. meet your caretaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red is a little shit that doesn't wanna give a shit anymore.  
> *Does vine exist in your universe?

Red logged out of reality way too long for his liking. There's a distinct weightlessness that tells him he's still under a daze of sorts as he stops staring at the ceiling to gaze at the trio by the kitchen counters.

They're talking and the girl looks like she's having fun, a smile that turns the creases of her eyes up on her face.

Magic moves spatulas and pans around by the stove, and he can already smell the sweet scent of pancakes and french toast. Faintly, he hopes that she makes bacon too.

He's kinda suspicious of her origins, she barely answered any of his questions and that ain't doing her any favors if she wants him to trust her enough as a caretaker. Though looking at the her from awhile ago, anyone could guess that she's not happy with Ink's decision, so she might not even aim to gain any of their trust.

She might just plan on being here as a caretaker that really only does their chores instead of caring for them.

He turned that thought over in his empty skull as he eyed the three, phalanges idly fiddling with a jacket sleeve. Don't seem like she plans on being indifferent towards them, given her interactions with Blue and Papyrus, but she could be keeping them at arm's length.

No shit. Red booted that thought out and shook himself. Why would he care anyway? It's not like the others can't take look out for themselves, and as cute as she is he's not gonna be so invested in her. The girl's unhappy already, there's fat chance that she'll be okay with her new position any time soon.

He took a peek when they were walking to the kitchen. She's a DETERMINED soul. A strong one too, one who can use magic. Only a matter of time before she manages to convince _someone_ to get her the fuck out of here.

And, he may be suspicious but Ink brought her here for a reason. The artist wouldn't intentionally kill all of them off by sticking a genocidal human in the house, they're...

They're the so-called 'original' copies of Undertale, and according to a certain bastard if any of them dust then their own copies would too. Red knows that's the last thing Ink wants, even if he's soulless and a weirdo he does make sure nothing goes wrong with the Multiverse.

Kind of. It's fucking complicated 'cause of their 'little' problem right now.

Eventually, Little Miss Caretaker detaches herself from the conversation, the kitchen full of food but clean. He could probably see his own reflection in the counter if he actually wanted to. Red notes that she didn't let the two try to help her, distracting them with idle and not so idle chatter, going by the looks of awe on both their skulls.

Blue's eyelights are still stars that bloom into a larger size when he looks to where the girl's going, the island filled with food.

He seems surprised and Papyrus looks even happier as they both hurry over to her, already picking up several food platters of sweet sweet breakfast to bring over to the dining table.

Red swears that if he didn't know for a fact that they were from different universes then he would've assumed that they were brothers with how in tune they are with each other. Really, he thinks to himself, how the fuck.

He feels the familiar stirring of hunger in his non-existent stomach so he shortcuts over when all of them aren't looking to the grilled cheese and bacon, taking a plate and stacking it with several.

If there's not enough for the rest of 'em they'll just have to deal. There's enough in here to serve a buffet.

Red silently shortcuts to the dining room to take a seat, and he smothers a snort when Blue looks at him with a pinched nose ridge, his exasperation and deadpan eyes visible from the other end of the table. Papyrus and the girl set their platters down and disappear behind the kitchen doorway.

Looking the smaller skeleton in the eyesockets, he takes a big chunk out of his grilled cheese, making sure that the melted dairy dribbles out of the bread. He relishes in the look of mild disgust and ever increasing disapproval that crosses Blue's face.

Looks like Blue had _mustard_ (heh) the energy to resist the urge to tell Red off, since he didn't do much except for shaking his skull and going back into the kitchen to get the rest of the food.

Too bad. He hasn't seen the other so put off in a long time so nowadays everything's been kinda dull.

By the time all of the food was laid out on the table, Red could tell that a few others had stirred from their own sleep or whatever they'd been doing before just from looking at Papyrus. The taller skeleton wasn't someone Red would usually stare at for too long, simply because he reminded him of— well.

 _Anyway,_ Papyrus was linked to the house in a way the rest of them weren't. Him and his Sans, they could tell when someone came and went and if any of them were active. He didn't know the exact details but he knew that they took up the task of keeping track of 'em for Ink and some other outcodes who were dealing with the shit storm they were all in.

Red couldn't really give much of a shit anymore, but back then he remembered feeling bad for the guy, 'cause for the first few days he barely got any sleep trying to mediate between all of 'em.

Looking at Papyrus, by the way his attention kept going upwards while he chatted with Blue and the girl, Red could tell that at least _someone_ else was up.

Little Miss Caretaker looks at him when he stacks some more food on his plate, staring him down from across the room. Red just grins back at her, unabashedly tearing into the french toast he picked up.

He can see how her eyes flutter in an effort not to roll them and snorts.

Blue yells at him, "RED I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU DON'T LEAVE AT LEAST SOME PIECES OF EACH DISH I WILL NOT BE GRANTING YOU ANY MERCY." And Red has to bark out a laugh when Papyrus says, "I WILL YEET YOU THE SAME WAY I DO WITH MY BROTHER, RED. KINDLY DO NOT TEST OUR PATIENCE!!"

Their little caretaker looks a bit confused from where she stands and he wheezes, smothering the loud giggles that make his bones rattle lightly.

"there's 'nough shit in here to shove in a giant's asshole, there's 'nough shit to feed an entire neighborhood of hungry bastards." Red ignores the scandalized and frustrated noises to peer at the girl, who's giving him her own rendition of the Neutral Stare of Disapproval. It's close enough to every Frisk's default expression that he almost chokes on both food and laughter.

_"you really just open your mouth and let the awfulness flow, huh?"_

It's like the jazz music or background orchestra stop in their scene when they all hear the sentence loud and clear.

Papyrus blinks rapidly as they turn to the doorway by Red's side of the room, surprised.

Red's kinda surprised too but he rolls his eyelights, unseen by the newcomer, and chomps down on another grilled cheese sandwich.

"fuck off, classic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> red is uh interesting to write about. idk i struggled a bit 'cause i don't wanna make him much of a sleazy asshole even tho that's kinda what he is? he's more apathetic and flowerfell-like at this point. lmao i'm tryna stay true to the 'Red is Flirty and Moody' tag
> 
> also heyyyy i meant to post this the moment i saw i reached 1000 hits but i hated the thought of it?? i try my best not to seem clingy ok but thank you i feel validated af
> 
> [almost forgot the recc hahah  
> Nightmare And The Babybone Sanses  
> (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403615/chapters/58868443) uwu so cute]


	9. meet your caretaker (ix)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops, the new skeleton is not who you thought it was.  
> *You're not so sure about him.

"nah, sorry bud. ol' classic ain't awake yet."

You thought for a second that it would be the 'original' Sans, but you immediately shot the idea down when you saw the eyelights that were previously hidden under the drawn up hood.

Mismatched red and purple. 

Red jolted, growling as he twisted to glare at the newcomer. Blue and Papyrus didn't seem to be all that bothered by his presence like Red was, instead greeting him cheerily.

Blue moved around the table to approach. "Dust! Hello, It's Nice To See You Awake So Early In The Morning!!" The other didn't blink as Blue patted him on the back, leading him to a chair and languidly sitting in it, grinning. Red continued to give him the evil eye.

"wish i could say the same," 'Dust' grinned up at the smaller skeleton wryly. You don't miss how his eyelights flicker over to you when you go to fix a plate too close to the edge.

"who's the new girl? hired help or somethin'?" 

You don't say anything, choosing to turn to Papyrus who's as quiet as you are, eyeing Dust with an unreadable expression. There's no fear or wariness in it at all, it's something a little more complicated but you can't quite place what it is.

Blue beams at the hooded skeleton, glancing at you, "She And Ink Know Each Other, She's Here To Help Us Manage The House!"

Papyrus takes a few seconds to squint at Dust before looking at you, grin back on his skull. "I'm Afraid We Haven't Managed to Get Your Name Yet, Human Friend!" This again? 

You have no intention of giving out your real name anytime soon and they'll have to deal with it. Your smile is serene and you make sure you look as guilt-free as possible as you reply demurely, "As long as it's not insulting, you can call me what you want."

They don't seem satisfied with your answer, curiosity of varying degrees can be shown on their faces while you nod at Dust in acknowledgment. He eyes you for a long moment and nods back, grin stretching and tightening. Maybe you should dial it back a little bit.

Papyrus poses, his scarf flaring out. "Well That Won't Do At All! Blue, Assist Me In Thinking Of A Name For Our New Friend!" The smaller skeleton perks up before smacking Dust's shoulder as if he hit an epiphany. 

Dust takes it like a champ, grinning all the while as he pulls a platter of pancakes and hashbrowns closer to him. Red looks longingly at the fried potato goods as Blue continues to grip Dust. 

"I Think! That! MC! WOULD BE GOOD!!" You raise an eyebrow at the choice and glancing around, the rest of them are wondering too. The hooded skeleton takes out a bottle of ketchup from nowhere and proceeds to absolutely drench his chosen hashbrowns and part of his pancakes with it.

You almost gag.

You persevere purely because of desensitization.

Red asks, "why MC?" Papyrus blinks over at the blue-clad skeleton, who puffs out his chest proudly.

"Because! She's The Main Character Of This Story!" He winks at you.

"What?" You question.

"I'm Sorry, That Was In Poor Taste." Blue apologizes immediately, smiling. "Ink Has Been Rubbing Off On Me, Erm—" You have to fight down the urge to throttle someone at the mention of the soulless wonder and smile back weakly at the Sans.

"Cool, it's cool. It's alright. MC is a good name, I like it." 

"Indeed!" Papyrus puts his gloved hands by his hips, "She Certainly Has, What's The Term—" He squints as if in thought. "'Main Character' Traits! It's Fitting!"

You pause.

You know you're cute as hell, but you literally have a hair color that belongs on a rusted tool, so you have no idea what they're on about.

You have no choice but to blame Ink for this situation, where Red is eyeing you contemplatively and Dust just took one long look at you and now his grin is a little flatter than before. Yes, Ink is to blame. 

Fluttering your eyelashes in an effort not to roll your eyes, you only nod and smile in response to their conversation.

"Thank you, Papyrus, Blue. Again, it's nice to meet you." You make sure to also nod at the only skeletons sitting at the table, receiving some form of acknowledgement in return.

"I'm Happy To Finally Meet Another Human After So Long!! Oh, It's Simply Wonderful." Blue claps his hands together, eyelights twinkling like the stars they're shaped into. Dust looks a little taken aback before he shoves another drenched hashbrown in his mouth.

"Yes, I Have To Agree! The Great Papyrus Hasn't Been Able To Visit His Human Friends Back In Our Universe, But Alas, We Are Needed Here. I'm Sure That We'll Have Lots Of Fun, Human MC!!"

Looking at Red gives you a similar scene where there's fucking waterfall of mustard on your precious grilled cheese.

"Yes, I'm glad to be here." You willfully ignore the doubtful expressions from the skeletons, gazing at your violated food with dead eyes.

There's a violent clamor above that startles you badly enough to move closer to Papyrus, almost bumping into him. When he raises a hand to steady you as a result, you immediately scoot away, ignoring his confused blink.

"who th' fuck is havin' a brawl so early?" Red's grunt is muffled by the bread and cheese he's shoving in his mouth. Blue makes a face and Dust chuckles, wiping his phalanges on the sleeve of his blue hoodie.

"didn't think you gave a shit about how early in the morning a fight could take place, chili."

Your gaze having followed the movement of his hand, you notice only now that the color of Dust's hoodie is somewhat grey-ish, de-saturated, like it was laid in gunpowder or ashes. 

"YOU'RE BOTH ABSOLUTE LAZYBONES! IT'S NEARLY 12 IN THE AFTERNOON!" Papyrus' yell doesn't make you have to stifle a flinch. You're more curious on why the Sans' jacket looks so... powdery.

When you turn your attention elsewhere, your eyes catch his eyelights. In that short moment, his grin is manic and the mismatched color of his lights are brighter, dangerous. You blink and it's gone, but you're a little tense as Red and Dust both give their replies.

By that point, you're not listening as intently as you were because there's a sudden disturbance in the air by the doorway and two skeletons shortcut in.

Red gives a low groan, pulling his claimed platter closer. "i wish the rest of ya would stop wakin' up already."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its funny how i managed to pump out a 3k wip in half an hour or so but i spent the whole week agonizing over who im going to introduce next and procrastinated on this measly 1k chapter
> 
> Babysitting With Extra Morbid Steps (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896344/chapters/60240862) i swear to god i cried so hArd in the first chapter and hhhhh sans why


	10. meet your caretaker (x)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dust's pov.  
> *You're not approaching him anytime soon, are you?

Dust hadn't planned on being so civil to the girl, but with Blue and Papyrus right there he couldn't exactly have a little _chat_ with her.

Those two were the ones he couldn't touch. Even with Blue's Papyrus being out of commission, there was still Error who was too fucking 'fond' of the Swap Sanses.

And Papyrus? Even if the taller skeleton burns his eyelights every time they see each other, he can't touch him either. Classic never talks to him but Dust was sure that if he ever did Papyrus wrong he'd be having a chat of his own with Dust.

Ink would be drinking a whole vial of his angry paint too if he found out that someone dusted (heh) the _original_ Papyrus.

Speaking of the bastard artist, he remembered him mentioning having someone come over to keep an extra eye out on the house. Didn't say it'd be a human girl looking like someone Killer would repeatedly sink his knife into though.

Dust kept his grin in check. He couldn't exactly scare off the little human now, could he? He hasn't even taken a shot at her yet.

It's strange how quiet she is, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. Humans can be whatever the hell they wanna be and if they want to be a statue then they can be one. Maybe she just needs someone to help make her scream a little bit, maybe make her cry and beg, make her feel a little pain.

Pain always made people scream, he could tell she needed some help with that.

Dust discreetly rolls his shoulders and presses his back against the chair. The wood digs into a bone and pulls him out of the daydream. Bad, that's bad. He still has an audience in the room, can't have them putting him on surveillance again.

He focuses on the taste of hashbrowns drowned in ketchup and side-eyes the human, coming back to the conversation in time to hear something about names and main character traits.

Main Character, huh?

When he takes a closer look at the girl, his grin widens and strains against the bone of his skull.

She looks pretty similar to _someone_ considered a main character.

His magic churns just thinking about them. Dust eyes her intently one more time before the urge to throw her around like a ragdoll threatens to take over, and he directs his gaze elsewhere, towards the one seated diagonally from him.

Red's lookin' pretty as always.

The thought comes in a sudden amusement. The bulkier skeleton tears through his sandwiches with an ease that could match Axe's, except he wasn't perpetually starving. Dust lingers on the way Red licks his sharp teeth, comparing it to a predator, maybe a tiger.

For once, his fur-hooded jacket is around his pelvis. Going by how the smell of mustard was stronger when Dust passed by and how underneath all that condiment was the faint scent of alcohol, he'd say that Red got smashed and decided that the smell clung too much to his jacket.

They really could've been best pals if the other had accepted Nightmare's offer.

Dust gives a quiet chuckle and ignores Red's tensing, instead glancing back to the trio still conversing, waving his hand at the human's nod as a red color moves closer to him.

_"I'm Happy To Finally Meet Another Human After So Long!! Oh, It's Simply Wonderful."_

When Blue's eyelights spin into stars, Dust almost, _almost_ thinks about how the other would look like as stardust. He's mostly curious and mildly suprised, ever since Stretch left he hasn't felt anything so strongly that his eyelights changed shape.

How did he know this when he barely gives a fuck about everyone else? Blue can turn any conversation into any kind of conversation he wants, and he'd decided he wanted a therapy session with Dust where they both talked about _feelings._ It's happened only twice before, but Dust has no intention of repeating them again, ever.

(In the back of his skull, he begrudgingly admits that he said that the first time then the second time.)

Suddenly, there's a large ruckus from the floor above them.

Dust doesn't sense any magic or LV so he's not concerned at all, but even if there was he still wouldn't be. Whoever's fighting ain't targeting anyone he particularly cares about anyway.

The scuffle continues for a few moments before everything goes silent, continuous thumps of feet against the floor being the only thing he can hear.

He's still irritated by the noise, and tries to dampen it by eating another hashbrown. He absently compliments the human for the food she cooked, noting the unfamiliar magic in it as belonging to her.

Huh.

She's a mage.

What a _dangerous_ human.

_"who th' fuck is havin' a brawl so early?"_

Dust chuckles at Red's muffled and disgruntled question, looking at the other with lidded and amused sockets as he sweeps greasy phalanges on a sleeve.

"didn't think you gave a shit about how early in the morning a fight could take place, chili." He revels in the venomous glare that Red gives him, it's always fun to egg him on. The hooded skeleton lets Papyrus' yell go in one ear cavity and out the other as the bulkier one gives him the dirtiest glare he's ever seen.

It's like every time they see each other Red's glares evolve!

Speaking of red.

Only Dust can _see_ the red silhouette floating in the periphery of his vision.

Lately, Paps hasn't been speaking a lot, he hasn't been facing Dust head on either like he used to. Now he stays outside of view but he's still there.

Paps acts like a ghost nowadays, and it's a cause for concern, but Dust shoves it down. Paps hasn't left at all, there's no way that he'd be leaving now, not when there's a human right in front of them.

Paps has always been dead, but he's alive in a way that only Dust can see. That's enough for him.

His thoughts stray a bit until he notices the human's eyes staring curiously at his hoodie, clearly trying to piece something together.

Dust immediately knows what she's wondering about. It's the dust, isn't it?

The more diligent skeletons of the house who do chores have a field day on their hands when it comes to laundry and they get to Dust's share of clothing.

Monster dust don't come off easily, but when they do it's like they come back at the end of the day. They're like glitter, just when you think they're gone you'd find a whole bunch of 'em back on you. Sparkles like glitter in the correct light too.

It's like a final spit to the face from the monsters he's killed. They ain't letting him forget his sins any time soon.

Dust's not sure if it's the same for everyone else, but going by how the skeletons with LV are always somehow squeaky clean compared to him, it's probably just Dust experiencing it.

Even his bones have gotten a little grey underneath the dust.

His sins seep through every nook and cranny of himself and fuck if it isn't tragic and hilarious. Even his soul ain't safe!

The moment Dust's eyelights, shivering and bright, meet the human's eyes, he can feel his grin widen. It strains against the bone of his face and the LV in his magic leaks to his sockets.

It almost burns.

But it doesn't compare to having to force himself to look away when, in the angle that the human stares at him,

Her eyes seem red, and Dust has never wanted anything more than to _dust_ her right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl reading this made me realize i kinda made dust lowkey gay and i am keeping it. i swear he's not always this edgy tho i promise.
> 
> i was writing this when my battery went out because i fOrGot to CHARGE— the amount of panic and hysteria i went through was. wow. thank god for auto-save.

**Author's Note:**

> hello skeleton-fuckers.  
> wait no dont leave  
> i've been reading too many of these skeleton harems and now i can't focus on other fics i could write :'))) so i decided to be impulsive!!
> 
> i talk too much in the tags but please don't ignore them i'm lonely. its quarantine.
> 
> (if a friend finds this i will yeet myself out a window lmao)


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